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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in mattieu's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, March 4th, 2004
7:06 pm
The female got this really exotic kitty toy that moves without the aid of strings.

mmmm, dinner

For some unfathomable reason, she kept this deliteful toy high on a shelf I can't reach. HOWEVER, yesterday, the little roving trinket crawled out of it's box and fell seemingly from the sky into my ferocious hunter kitty grasp. Oh the fun I had with it. I batted it this way. I batted it that way. When I tired of the extensive play, I felt a little hungry ... and guess what? The toy is not only is fun to play with, but is delicious to eat too! A little crunchy, but mmm mmm good!

The female did good this time. This is by far the best toy/treat she ever brought home. She should be proud of herself, happy she pleased me, but instead, she sits and looks at the empty turtle box and weeps. WTF? I will never understand that female.

Current Mood: satisfied
Tuesday, February 25th, 2003
6:52 pm
I am, ahem, mildly attracted...


Something about his long, lean limbs.
Something about his sleek, pre-pubescent hairless body.
His carefree sensuality.
His come hither, big boy stare...
I can't take my eyes off of him!
Does this mean I am gay?
The female says she will walk in the parades with me if I am...
No, can't be!

Current Mood: distressed
Friday, February 14th, 2003
8:40 pm
Sicko Humans!



I bet the kitty used in that pic is barely legal! Feline exploitation, there ought to be a law.

Current Mood: infuriated
Tuesday, November 19th, 2002
5:41 pm
Will someone please let the cat out of the bag???
While playing with an empty plastic grocery bag, I looped my head in the handle part accidently and got the bag stuck around my neak. I freaked out and ran into the living room to show the humans how this evil bag was attached to me. You would think they would immediately rush to my aid and free me of my plastic attacker, whick was now not only around my neck, but was also looped under one of my front legs.

Instead they sat on there and laughed... they pointed and laughed.

Motherf^%&ers!!!

Current Mood: irate
Sunday, October 27th, 2002
5:12 pm
The humans got me a "sister."

I was very content as the only kitty.

They named her Sukiyaki Yamamoto. They call her "Moto" or "Suki."
I call her various things that would be too lewd to print.
The humans say she is from Japan. What morons! She is from Agoura Hills...

Will she keep a journal too, you may ask? Noooooooo, she is way too stupid for that. SHe is too busy chasing her tail. (seriously)
Now excuse me, please. I must go hiss at her.

Current Mood: pissed off
Thursday, July 12th, 2001
7:43 am
Kitty in the Centerfold
A few months ago, there was some disturbing talk amongst the male and female. They were discussing possibly dressing me up in lingerie, posing me suggestively, snapping photos, and making a kitty porn calendar out of me. Luckily the female scrapped that idea because apparently some sicko already beat them too it.

And now... and now I find THIS!

Will the madness ever end?

Current Mood: nauseated
Tuesday, July 10th, 2001
11:58 am
I think I might like this new place we are living in. It has a great staircase I like to hang out on. It has open stairs, of which I like to stick my paw through and swat at whomever is walking below. Yesterday, the female was setting up a cd rack in the space under the staircase. It was the perfect opportunity for me to swat continuously at her head while she worked. She kept calling my name, saying no, covering her head with her arms, getting mad ... it was fun!

Current Mood: naughty
Friday, July 6th, 2001
1:50 pm
Everything Zen? I don't think so!
The humans are getting quite tired of me jumping of the kitchen counter, demanding the faucet be turned on, while I sit there and laugh to myself at their subservience. Most of the time I don't even need a drink, I just want to be sure they understand the command. They are also tiring of me knocking over any glasses of water left unattended. I do this out of boredom. The female thinks I do this because I am thirsty. So she set up a Zen water fountain in the bathroom. I overheard her tell the male she thinks I would like the constant recycled water and might like it as my personal water fountain.

I, however, want nothing to do with that contraption. The noise it makes is annoying and the bowl is tacky. I think the fountain costs like $30. Thirty bucks that could have been spent on catnip and shrimp for me, but instead they used it to buy rocks and a bowl.

Humans can be so lame!

Current Mood: cynical
Tuesday, June 26th, 2001
12:05 pm
The humans and me have moved to a new home. At first, when I saw all the boxes at the old home, I was very excited, not about moving, but about playing in the boxes. Then the humans started to fill MY boxes up with their junk and that is when it dawned on me... THE HUMANS ARE MOVING!

Well, I got very excited. I thought they were moving and I could have the place all to myself and not have to share my space, my toys, my time, etc., with them.

But I was wrong. They took me with them, dammit!

Current Mood: disappointed
Thursday, June 14th, 2001
2:05 pm
I am hunter kitty... fear me or something!
Much like a Lion in the deepest, darkest depths of the African jungle, I am stalking my ever elusive prey.
Nothing escapes my attention.
I am poised to deal my swift mortal blow, even if it means placing my own life at risk.
My muscles quiver.
My tail twitches,
my eyes stay affixed.
And just at the right moment, with a full bloodthirsty cry to the memory of my predatory ancestors in the wild, I pounce on the fuzzy catnip-impregnated mouse toy with unerring instinct. For you see, we cats are well aware we are come from a long line of fierce hunters. We know we have a noble tradition to uphold.

Now excuse me, the female dropped an ice cube in the kitchen. I must go kill this wild game and impress the female with my vicious ferocity!

Current Mood: predatory
Tuesday, June 5th, 2001
12:34 am
Oh the horror!
Ok that's it! Those humans have gone too far.

Today, I was innocently minding my own business, trying to take a nap under the bed, when the male grabbed me and pulled me up against my will. Holding me up so I was on my hind legs, he made me dance as the female sang "The Love Boat" theme song. They laughed and laughed and continued this torture for two rounds of that dismal, dreadful sitcom song.

IT WAS SO HUMILIATING!
I also found it to be
COMPLETELY MORTIFYING!!!

Current Mood: pissed off
Wednesday, May 30th, 2001
8:15 pm
Le Sigh
Ok, now I am bored again...

Current Mood: lethargic
8:11 pm
MMMMROWR!
Oh that was great!
I very quietly tip toed into the humans room and before they knew I was even there, I leaped onto the nightstand and knocked over a glass of water!
Hahahahaha...
You would think they would learn and not keep those glasses of water there, but nooooooooooo... They must like this game as much as I do!
After I did that, I jumped down on the ground and took off running. The male was running after me, wanting to play, no doubt...

Yeah, that was exciting!

Current Mood: giddy
8:02 pm
Bored
Bored... so bored... sigh

Maybe I should go knock something over...

something breakable!

Current Mood: bored
Tuesday, May 22nd, 2001
10:42 pm
The Mysterious Red Beam
Once again, I was nodding off in the living room , when the ever elusive glowing red dot came to visit. I don't know what this thing is but it glows and moves so very quickly I can't EVER catch it. And believe me I try...

I run in circles in a mad fury. I even bump into walls sometimes trying to get this thing.

The female and the male sit there and laugh. They are so simple and easliy amused... sigh... They don't even attempt to catch the red beam, I guess because they are so dim witted and slow, they figure why try. And who could blame them?

I noticed the male was holding a little black box in his hand, which is odd, but that box and the glowing red dot couldn't possibly be related... or could they?

Nah, couldn't be.
Thursday, May 17th, 2001
5:29 pm
I have decided, drinking water from the bowl is just way too mundane. I much prefer drinking from the running faucet. The humans have caught on. Everytime they go into the kitchen, I jump up to the sink and declare "MROWR" and they immediately turn on the water for me.

They are so obedient! I have trained them well, yes indeed.

Current Mood: thirsty
Saturday, May 12th, 2001
10:44 am
I was nodding off in the living room when I spoted a cricket! I pawed at him until that female came along and scooped him up and set him free outside. GRRRRRR.

1. I wanted to play with my prey!

2. How come he gets to go outside and not me, vicious hunter kitty? I belong out there too!

Current Mood: angry
Thursday, May 10th, 2001
3:33 pm
I just woke up from a nap.
Got up and moved into the bedroom.
Jumped up on the bed.
Got on my female's side of the bed.
Phew! I am exhausted.
Think I will take another nap.
Yes, that's a good... zzzzzzzzzz

Current Mood: exhausted
12:10 pm
Revenge is sweeeeeeeeeet!
As the female tried to sleep, I got up on the night table by her bedside and knocked over the cup of water she left there, spilling some of it on her eggplant regurgitation colored head.
She was not pleased, but too tired to chase me.

Mauahahaha.... that's what she gets for offering me to Chinese delivery guy!

Current Mood: satisfied
Wednesday, May 9th, 2001
7:16 pm
Foiled
I almost escaped this loony bin. My female had the front door open as she flirted with the Chinese food delivery guy. I very slyly tried to slip past them, but the jerko delivery guy caught me and handed me back to the female, who actually had the nerve to ask if he wanted me or if he knew of anyone who may want me!

B*tch!

Current Mood: aggravated
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